Giving in to the Blossoms
by rawsunshine
Summary: Day to day routine starts to blend together and Bella begins to go against the norm. B/E AU


Bella peered into her Christmas mug thoughtfully, wondering how much longer she necessarily had to stay at the Black's household for the customary Christmas Party before she could go home to her real life and get lost inside her head. She smiled slightly thinking about her new apartment, it was a disaster waiting to happen. All wood, the floors and walls, three floors up on a black iron staircase, that was outside only. The people who lived there before her apparently did not know how to use a mop or broom as well. The simple fact that it was on the third story up was enough to make the eyebrows rise on Jacob's and Charlie's eyes with her track record with stairs. Somehow it fit her though.

She took a sip of her warm apple cider and closed her eyes while leaning against the wall in the living room before opening them and taking in the action before her. On the surface everything seemed normal enough. Jacob was telling a story about a time in the past while everyone laughed and smiled, sipping their apple cider and eating the array of foods that were artfully arranged on the tables. The light from the fire made Jacob look dangerously handsome. Dark and rugged, highlighting his high cheek bones and strong jaw line, and when he laughed his whole being seemed to light up the room even more.

Jacob caught her eye when Paul pushed his way to the center of attention to began to tell an even more action-packed story. He smiled gently at her, his eyes telling her that all she had to do was say the words…

Bella looked down, feeling the blush creep up her cheeks as she shook her head slightly to let her long brown hair shield her from the gaze full of promises. She instead turned her attention to her cup of cider once again, while she pretended to listen to the stories.

It had always been like this, since the day she moved to Forks. Jacob had always been what she needed, and he was such an honestly nice person, a good person, that she was beginning to wonder if something was wrong with her. His love had been a constant that she had never had in her life. Sure her Mother cared for her, but in such an absent-minded way she somehow thinks she raised herself. Charlie loved her. An obvious fact, from the way he put chains on her tires, to his gentle smiles whenever they met up in the ER after an accident, which was more often than she cared to admit. Charlies love was more of the silent variety.

Jacob, though, well, Jacob had been honest about his wishes for her since he turned 16. He wanted her as only a man can want a woman, and he was determined.

Jacob was her first kiss, her first boy-girl dance, which involved her stepping on his toes repeatedly and him just laughing brightly at her, making light of the situation as always. He was as constant as the fact that it would rain in Forks. He was the reason she never left for the sunshine in Tallahassee with Renee. He was the reason her life in Forks had been the highlight of her adolescence. He was even the reason she was alive, what with the number of accidents that followed her around like a plague.

He seemed to be exactly what she needed and she was happy around him. Not an ecstatic in love, racing heart, head over heels happy. Just a normal, safe and calm happy. He was what she needed.

Bella furrowed her brows thinking about all of this, stepping away from the party gently, watching where she placed her feet carefully, to prevent any sort of stumbling as she made her way outside to be alone for a while. She looked up at the clouds, wishing that they were stars instead, imagining the outline of the moon that was hidden away.

Jacob may be what she needed, but she didn't feel enough for him. Bella closed her eyes tightly bringing up the images of all the greatest couples of time, the kind that were painful to watch because their love for each other showed so brightly. He wasn't what she wanted. Was that kind of love a lie then? Should she settle for good because amazing hadn't shown up yet? Bella shook her head slightly, kicking those thoughts out of her mind. There were too many novels, plays, movies, songs written about the love she was waiting for to just give up now.

She was comfortable with Jacob, and he was even making a name for himself in Seattle, where he had followed her, with Black Auto Works, a mechanic and upholstery shop in one for cars of all ages. He was doing better for himself than she was, even without a degree. Bella seemed to have created a track record of picking terrible places to work.

Her last job had been as a dental assistant for an Endodontist. Apparently passing out three times a day because of the blood from an apicoectomy just didn't make her cut out for the job. Well, that and tripping over the suctions. And knocking things over, constantly. Basically everything about the job was wrong for her, but who knew getting a degree in something she loved at Portland State would end up so pointless.

When she received a full ride scholarship to PSU she had been astonished and really ended up blossoming there. Bella was passionate, and wanted to write about something she was passionate about. She had been the head of the newspaper her senior year, writing about political views, environmental research, campus stories and basically anything else she felt drawn too. She could thank the economy for no decent paying jobs for her major, but she still harbored hope that one of these days she would land her dream job, writing for the Seattle Times, or even an underground paper, with a free reign over the topics. That was the dream job that lived in her head…someday maybe it would come true.

As for her day job, the options were becoming stiff.

Bella felt Jacob by her side before she saw him in her peripheral vision. The heat radiating from his body was tangible; he was her personal sun in the grey life. Bella smiled to herself thinking of him like that before turning her head slightly to gaze at him. His long dark hair was pulled back, showing off his face full of strong features. He leaned his elbows on the railing of the porch before looking over at Bella, flashing a smile, her smile, the one that took over his face and brought her back to simpler times when they would goof around in his garage with warm soda.

"How's the kitchen sink been since I've been there?" He asked glancing at Bella.

"Fine," Bella said slowly, thinking about the drain in her shower that wasn't working, the ceiling fan that had mysteriously broke and the loose railing on her stairs that had her toppling over constantly. She debated telling him about all of these things, but chose against it. She sighed deeply and looked up at Jake with sincerity in her eyes and said, "You really are a life-saver Jake."

Jacob smiled slightly and stood up before leaning closer to her, turning her so she was facing him before tilting up her chin to look her in the eye, one hand grabbing hers holding it close to his heart.

"Bella," Jacob began to say looking into her eyes, smiling a lopsided smile, "I would do anything for you. Your place is a disaster though. With all the things that need fixin' its almost as if I can never leave."

She blushed and looked down, tugging her face out of his hold, but allowing him to keep her hand in his capture. Bella felt her face bloom in one of its famous blushes. She bitterly thought that her cheeks ought to just be stained the color from the amount of blushing she was subjected too. She licked her lips and turned her head to the side, looking back out at her imaginary stars, while tugging her hand back to her. She grabbed her near-empty mug of apple cider and brought it to her lips, taking a sip of the now semi-warm liquid.

"I like my place Jake. It just needs a lot of care, that's all" Bella clarified while stepping a little distance away from Jacob. In turn Jacob stepped back into the space that he had previously filled before retorting,

"You know Bells, I think I would benefit a lot more from your care than any old stupid apartment ever could, why don't you just move in with me?" He said this jokingly, but the offer stood out, just like the many, many times before when he tried to get her to move in with him. Bella rolled her eyes and shook her head at him, smiling slightly.

"Jake if I moved in with you what would you do with all your free time without my apartment to fix up?" Bella asked this jokingly trying to match his light tone from before, but the look that Jacob was now giving her instantly said that she had said the wrong thing, again. He leaned over to her and wrapped his arms around her body, pulling her flush up against him.

"Oh, I'm sure I could come up with many things I would love to do with you Bella, if I ever finally got my chance…" Jacob said huskily, his hands pulling Bella closer, which was awkward what with her drink in her hand and her other arm in a state of confusion not knowing if it should push away or wrap itself around him. The constant tension was beginning to be too much because lately friendship just could not be enough for Jacob.

Bella rolled her eyes and silently told her confused arm that yes, the correct response is to push away.

"Jake…," Bella began, looking up at him and stepping away lightly, smiling a smile that spoke loads more than she could ever even dare to say.

Jacob let out a long sigh before scowling out into the forest, with a slight roll to his eye and tightening to his lips. Bitterness was starting to seep in and Bella saw it for what it was. She was caught in limbo not know what to do and it wasn't fair to string poor Jake along with it. God knows Jessica and Leah would pay big money to be in her shoes.

And she could see it herself if she wanted to. If she dared to. The nice house outside of Seattle. The happiness of Charlie and Billy if they would finally get together. Their wedding day. It all played out like a timeline until her dying day where she would rest forever in the soil next to him.

It was what was to be expected, what was planned by everyone but her, and it wasn't what she wanted. Was it?

Bella set down her mug and strode away from the house whose windows glowed amber and towards her truck.

'I need more…', was her last thought before she went on autopilot and drove the familiar path home.


End file.
